If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
