You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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