My first STD was from a foam party
Just took my morning after pill in the library
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize