If that was your dad, he is hot
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize