my vag is so smooth its legendary
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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