i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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