y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
