i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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