my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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