Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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