we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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