I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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