dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
