remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We smell like vodka and hangover
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