I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
