"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
