Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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