dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
