Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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