roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
