Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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