She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
