Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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