I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
