i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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