i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Found the puke drawer
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
