We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
