Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
