I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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