Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
