my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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