Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
