You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
