i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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