it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
