does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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