Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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