I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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