You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
