god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
