I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
