Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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