My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize