I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
