Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
