yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
