I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There are leaves in my underwear?
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