ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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