There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
