I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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