if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
