Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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