Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You took a bar mat shot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
