When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
