my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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