Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
