I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
