I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
