i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
