I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
