Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
