Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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