Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
