Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
