so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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