hotel room ftw
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
