will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
