someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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