3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
this hospital has no fireball
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
