No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sext me about skeletons
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
