she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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