she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
