I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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