I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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