Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
