Joe is yelling at the trees again.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
