He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You're like the curious george of whores
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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