i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
