U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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