is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
