i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
