I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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