omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
