wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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