First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
