it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
