Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
