One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
